Thursday, July 21, 2005

Where Would This Blog Be Without Frog?

A meme from frog:

Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.

It can only be one word, no more.

Copy and paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.

Make Frog Stop Tapping

Since frog's over here tapping her foot at my lazy writing habits, I will try to think of something to say. My mother's birthday is this weekend; so is my oldest sister's. I spent a week with my inlaws since I last wrote. There's a lot going on in Tennessee that has to do with medical care for seniors and people with disabilities. I have no shortage of issues.

The thing I'm most interested in at the moment is myself, though. Or my self. I've been doing some work on my habits of negativity and complaint. Without going into too much detail about the process (because maybe you are as easily bored as I am), this has been a time of profound realization. When I am asked to focus on my body, to name what I feel there, my mind looks for the pain. Immediately. "What hurts?" I'm beginning to learn that it's possible to consider the comfortable places in my body, too. The places of ease.

So too with my life and my relationships and the world. When my mind goes to these, I look for "what's wrong" first. Maybe it's possible to take in the whole view. To include what's right. Or at least what's neutral. Maybe.

These possibilities are changing me. It's a slow change. I don't expect I'll ever lose my analytical edge or my ability to imagine every worst case scenario. But maybe I'll start to see more than that.

I know why these habits arose. I also know that leaving them behind will mean leaving behind my relationship with my family, as it exists today. This causes me grief. It also causes my heart to soar.

Saturday, July 09, 2005