Wednesday, December 14, 2005

"Closed" Sign on Limbo's Door

How can this be? Nicholas von Hoffman writes in The Nation that "...some thirty Roman Catholic theologians from around the world ... have been meeting in secret and have, if the report is correct, decided to put the kibosh on the place."

No more limbo! Apparently the current pope is made uncomfortable by the thought of all those unbaptized babies hanging around up there. It's unclear what will officially happen to them but von Hoffman has an idea!

This is where the Mormons come in and save the Pope's bacon. Mormons can baptize dead people. They do it all the time. They have vast databases groaning with the names of the departed, whom the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints usher out of limbo and into heaven by what is called "proxy baptism." Some Jews have objected to having the Mormons pull sneak baptisms on their ancestors, and the Mormons, displaying a sensitivity they are not known for, have said they won't do it any more.

So the only remaining question is, Are there enough Mormons ready, willing and able to proxy-baptize all those millions of Roman Catholic babies?

Nick, there are. There really are. And there's a good chance most of those Catholic babies have already been baptized into the One True Church. Relax. We're all Mormons when we die.

1 comment:

the therapeutic writer said...

I don't wanna be a mormon when I die!